Workin' 9 to 5....

Well not quite 9 to 5

More like 8 - 4

But you know what I mean

Our hours had been cut last week

Due to the centre being quiet mid week

But I managed to pick up some extra hours this week

As one of the girls is sick

Yesterday I was in by myself 

I was supposed to be working 8-12pm

But in actual fact 

I didn't get away until 3pm

There was just a lot to be done 

And I wanted to leave things in some sort of order 

Before I left 

I was chatting to Georgina in the office 

I said to her that I felt like I was forgetting to do something 

She told me not to second guess myself 

To be confident that I have done everything to a high standard 

But even so 

I was reluctant to leave without checking every thing 

And actually 

When I got home 

I started to worry that I hadn't turned the gas off 

And texted Georgina to check 

Of course I had 

But still 

Better safe than sorry 

I couldn't live with myself if I had inadvertently caused an accident at work 

But anyway 

All was well 

And I did my best to leave everything spic and span

I didn't even stop to eat 

So i know I worked hard 

Before I left 

Georgina asked me if I had seen one of the interviewers for my job on Monday 

His name is John

And he was one of the panel that interviewed me back in February

Apparently he called in to the centre this week

But I don't remember seeing him

Anyway 

He obviously saw me

As he said to Georgina that I was a different woman 

They was nice to hear 

She also said that back at my interview 

I looked quite unwell

I remember it so clearly 

I was going to wear a great jacket to the interview 

But my mam said I looked too thin I it 

So I had to find something else 

All along 

Georgina has said that the centre will be good for me 

And I will be good for the centre 

It's so true 

I am loving work 

And it has done me the world of good 

I couldn't ask for more 

As I said 

I was in on Monday morning for one of the girls 

I was chatting to the chef 

He is a young man 

The same age as me 

H was telling me that he had hurt his back playing golf 

And also that his chest was sore 

I was telling him that he should go to the doctor 

But like a typical man 

He wouldn't 

In fact at 9am 

I ran over to my own doctor 

To collect my script 

The chef asked me if I mind going to the doctor 

I said I didn't 

And in fact I had to go every week

He asked why 

And I knew I had talked myself in to corner 

For some reason 

I'm not quite sure why 

But I ended up telling him that I had a drug problem years ago

And that I was on a methadone programme

He reacted quite well

And seemed very curious 

Asked me questions 

I get on with this guy pretty well

So I didn't feel uncomfortable telling him 

He said he wouldn't tell anyone 

And I believe him

Although afterwards

I worried that I had been a bit too honest 

But look 

I'm open about my past 

I have nothing to hide 

And it's not like i am going around broadcasting it 

I told one person 

Anyway 

It's done now 

You can't unring a bell

I don't worry that he judged me 

He is not like that 

And anyway 

If he talks 

I'll know he broke my trust 

And I won't risk telling anyone else 

I'm back in work this evening 

Just four hours 

Which always flies by 

Then I'm back in tomorrow morning for hours 

Then an eight hour shift on Sunday

So I'll have a very healthy pay cheque next week 

Which is always nice

Also 

Thank you all for your feedback on my last post

I know I haven't been great at replying to comments

So apologies for that

But no 

I'm not going anywhere 

This blog 

And my friends here mean too much to me 

Even if our community is shrinking 

There are still plenty of us to keep it going 

Even if no one reads 

My blog is still a personal record for myself 

A diary of sorts 

And of course 

I always write in the hope that my blog can help someone else in a similar situation 

Because as you know 

My life has been quite eventful 

And I am coming out the other side of my illness and issues 

There is one thing that always sticks in my mind 

Something my psychiatrist wrote in a letter once 

That I have a 'chronic eating disorder'

And 'severe and enduring mental illness'

I can remember reading that and thinking 

That's not me 

That must be about someone else 

The words chronic 

And severe and enduring just sounded so hopeless 

These are words that have never left me 

And being my stubborn self 

Wanted to prove that doctor wrong 

Now I am 

I've managed to claw back in a few months, everything that I lost in the previous 15 years 

As I often say 

As quickly as things can go wrong 

They can also turn around just as quick 

It is just so so important to keep hoping and believing that things can get better 

To keep fighting for a better life 

For you and your family 

Because for every person that has a mental health issue or addiction

There is a whole group of family and friends that are suffering too

Often in silence 

So 

If you think you can't go own 

If recovery seems like something out of reach 

Please know that it is possible 

I promise you that 

You have just got to keep holding on 

It will pay off 

And you will get better 

Look at me 

I thought I would never get well

And now I am the best I've been in a long time 

It is possible 

Recovery can happen 

It's there 

You just have to reach out and grab it