Saturday 16 April 2016

N is for Night time!

N was another tricky customer
I was going to go with numb
But then decided on night time 
As I think I can write more about that 
Up until a few years ago
I was most definitely a night person
During my drug using days 
I would typically get up in the evening 
Stay up all night 
And go to bed in the morning 
It wasn't unusual not to see daylight for weeks on end 
When I first started using drugs 
I associated them with night time 
It was some thing you did at night 
At the weekend 
Even when I first started taking heroin
I still associated it with night 
I remember the first time I saw someone using heroin first thing in the morning 
It had never occurred to me to do that 
But it seemed like a good idea
So I started using in the morning too
This is how an addict is made 
My drug use began to bleed in to the day time 
The weekend began to get longer and longer 
Until my drug use became an every day thing 
But
As with everything 
You take the bad with the good
And with heroin 
Comes a physical addiction
It's a cat and mouse game to stay one step ahead of sickness
And I was always playing catch up
And can remember nights when I had no drugs 
And no money to get drugs 
Those nights were sheer torture 
As I've said before 
I was a greedy addict 
And whatever I had 
I took there and then
Leaving nothing for the following day or days 
Withdrawal is a horrific thing 
You will start to withdraw about 24 hours after your last usage 
It starts off quite mild 
Your eyes will begin to stream
Your nose will run 
You will yawn continuously 
Then your muscles will begin to get sore 
A dull ache in your bones that saps the energy right out of you 
By now you will take to the bed
As you won't be able to do anything other than lie down and wait it out 
You will sweat profusely 
Alternating between hot and cold
The sheets of your bed will be damp with the sweat 
What ever way you lie 
You can't get comfortable 
And even though you are mentally and physically wrecked 
Sleep eludes you 
Then comes the stomach cramps 
The vomiting 
The diarrhoea 
As the last remnants of the drug leaves your body 
You are now in full blown withdrawal
You are climbing the walls 
Hallucinating with fever 
It feels like your body is trying to turn inside out 
If only you had the drug 
One smoke 
One turn on
Could put an end to all of this 
The night is endless 
And everything seems worse at night 
You are lonely 
So alone 
It seems like you are the only one in the whole world who is awake 
The nightmare goes on 
Until you find someone you can borrow money off 
Or you manage to drag yourself out of bed to find money somehow 
And when you finally get the drug
The feeling of the sickness draining out of your body is the best feeling ever
You immediately stop sweating 
The ache in your bones vanishes 
The mental torture subsides 
All is well 
Until the next time 

Over the years 
I have turned from a night owl 
In to a morning bird 
Nowadays 
I don't stay up past midnight 
And I am up between 7am and 8am every morning 
I like to go out and do my bits and pieces in the morning 
There is something lovely about that time of the day 
When there are only a few people around 
When it's still and quiet
And the world hasn't quite woken up yet 
When the surfers 
Dog walkers 
And runners are all about 
It's a magical time of the day
Night time can be magical too
But I just don't have energy or the inclination to be a night owl any more 

Which are you
A night owl
Or a morning bird?

8 comments:

  1. it wasn't about night. It was about drugs.

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  2. I used to be a night owl, now I just want to sleep all day long :D

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    Replies
    1. I am definitely a confirmed morning person
      Hope you are doing ok CP
      Just read your latest post
      And am s little worried for you
      Do keep in touch won't you?
      I hate when I don't hear from people x

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  3. I used to be a night owl, but in recent years, I've switched and now wake up really early (always before 5:30) and turn in early. I couldn't do 'normal' hours though - I need those few precious hours alone when the world is quiet, whether it's late at night or early in the morning.

    xx

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  4. in bed by 9 or 10, love early mornings x jo

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Thank you for leaving some love x