At the end of my last session with Mary
We decided that neither she or I would weigh me for the next few weeks
She also asked me to keep a food diary
And I made a commitment to eat regularly
And preferably not purge
Mary assures me that my body will find its own natural set point if I feed it correctly
To be honest
I haven't quite kept to the agreement about not weighing
And did so once yesterday
No good can come of it though
It's a lose lose situation
Do what is an eating disordered girl to do?
I remember a while ago
I stumbled across a blog over in Wordpress
The writer was documenting her life without weighing for a year
I remember thinking it was an amazing idea
She wrote every single day
And was recovering from an eating disorder
I think her year is up by now
It was an incredible experience for this blogger
And it is something I am thinking about doing
Getting rid of my scales
And not weighing for a whole year
It's just a thought at the moment
I haven't made an concrete commitment yet
I wanted to share the idea with you guys
To see what you think
Because the thing is
Weighing myself
And being weighed by Mary
Is really holding me back
And keeping me stuck in a negative thought cycle
I hate knowing the number
Yet I feel compelled to step on the scale on a daily basis
And emotionally torture myself
I think not knowing at all is the best policy
I will know from my clothes if I am gaining or losing weight
So that will be my guideline
I really want to go by how I feel inside
Rather than go by how I look
After my conversation with Mary
It really hit home that I am Nevet going to be happy if I hang everything on what I weigh
Or how I look
I can finally see that happiness and contentment is an inside job
No number on a scale
No clothes size
Can fulfil me
And fill the hole in my soul
I am regularly reading over my list of ten goals for the future
They are what really matter
They are the things that are going to build my confidence and self esteem
They are going to help me develop a thick skin
And a back bone
Because right now I am putting too much weight in what I look like
I mean yea it's nice to look nice
Have nice hair
Flattering clothes
They can make me feel good
But only temporarily
I need to find something with more substance
And more meaning
I need a reason to get up in the morning
To bound out of bed
And face the day head on
Righting now I am just drifting along
I'm abusing my meds
Struggling to stay clean and sober
And hating myself most of the time
There is more to life than being a certain size and a certain weight
In this year without a scale
I hope to find other ways of liking and loving myself
I hope to find value in me as person
Not as just a body
I hope to sppreciate myself just the way I am
And not judge myself by how I look
The lovely Sam left such a lovely comment on my last past
She asked me why I am focusing on the wrapping and the box
When there is such a lovely gift inside
These are such kind and thoughtful words
And they are so true
Our body is just a vessel
A vehicle
To house what really matters on the inside
Our personality
Our hopes and dreams
Our minds
Our brains
They are the important things
With all that said
I was wondering what you think about this idea
Living scale free for a year?
Yay or nay?
Inquiring minds want to know......
It's a good idea in practise Ruby, but even if you got rid of your scale (as you did for your previous set, I believe?) I honestly think you'd find a way to get another one. I mean, you've already destroyed one set and look where you are now, back to weighing on a new set.
ReplyDeleteI know with me, I found that when my GP stopped weighing me, I stopped weighing myself. There was no point in playing my little game anymore. That was a year ago, and I haven't touched a scale since.
L xx
This is true L
DeleteI've actually disposed of two scales in the past year
But I really feel I want to do this
To break free from the scales once and for all
I may talk to Mary about it
Before committing to any thing
Thanks for your common sense though
I appreciate it x
Wow, a whole year? I'm nervous leaving the scale behind for four weeks!
ReplyDeleteI know
DeleteMaybe I'm completely mad
But I feel I have to do something to get over my obsession with my weight
It may turn out to be a terrible idea
But I feel compelled to do something x
I don't really weigh myself anymore. There's just not really a need. For me, the focus is on how I look. When you're weight training your goals can be anything and because I want to constantly lift heavier and become stronger, I know that that means I have to eat to maintain the muscle I've already worked so hard to gain which means my weight isn't going down. Although, I've had people tell me that I look like I weigh 135 and really, I weigh 160. There are times when I start to have an insecure moment and so I fall prey to the scale, but that doesn't make me happy. I'm happy I deadlifted 180 because that puts me closer to my goal of 200. I'm happy I benched 95 because I'm closer to 125. Numbers are now just a place holder in the progress I've made, the limits I've pushed, and the kind way in which I treated my body in order to become stronger.
ReplyDeleteI understand needing to feel like there's a reason to get up in the morning. I'm full of helpful advice but sometimes it's hard for me to take it and it's an act of strength to get up every day, feel positive about myself, and to continue on doing the things that have to be done. Wasn't it Ghandi or someone that said what you do isn't important but it's very important that you do it anyway? Have to keep the faith and lean on those that love you. I think if you can't do a year, do four times throughout the year, but make sure you have something you're doing to be active with which you can measure it against, whether it's running or dancing or whatever so that when you see that number you can say that when you started you were here, and regardless of what the scale says, your body is capable of getting to where you are now. stay strong.
It's so great Eve
DeleteAnd I am so delighted for you
You have come so far
And I love that for you now, it's about being fit and strong
Not how thin you can get
My mum was justbsayingbto me today how strong I am now compared to what I used to be
I was so weak I could lift a bag of shopping
I think getting fit would help me feel better about my body
I really want to go back swimming
And really tone up
Thanks for your input Eve
Always lovely to hear from you x
Whatever you do will be insignificant, but it is very important that you do it. - ghandi
DeleteShelby
Love this Shelby
DeleteThank you! X
Giving up the scale has been one of the most freeing experiences in my entire recovery. I am in the later stages of recovery (have been eating well and at a healthy weight for a while now) but still very very much trapped mentally with the ED...and at this late stage of the game, recovery is just about putting in the mileage, day in and day out, and big breakthroughs are few and far between. THAT BEING SAID I stopped weighing a few months ago and it was the impetus I needed to make huge strides toward being truly free from those last few tentacles of the eating disorder that still had a hold on me. Just getting rid of that daily metric was such a load off my shoulders, mentally/emotionally speaking. I started thinking less about my weight. And then I started worrying less about what I looked like in the mirror. And then I started loosening up about food and calories as well. It has made me more relaxed about food and eating and weight in every way, and I can't believe I waited this long to ditch the scale.
ReplyDeleteIn case you couldn't tell, I am 100% ANTI SCALE. I never would have believed the tremendous impact it had until I tried it and experienced it myself. I say, DO IT!
Aw Kaylee that is amazing
DeleteYou are doing so so well
And are an inspiration
I am thinking I am gonna do it
It's a big gesture
And maybe I will regret it
But like giving up smoking
It's something I really want to do
I absolutely hate the power that the scales have over me
And like you say
Really want to break that viscous cycle
Thank you for your support x
I say YES! It's a great idea I was scale free for maybe two years but about a year and a half ago I got a wii with scales I didn't really trust but it became the restart of an old obsession. Just to see which way the numbers were going. My parents kicked me out about two months ago with no where to live and no money I found a way to buy some scales. My dr pointed out to me last week this was just stupid but it's put my mind at ease. I really think a year (or forever) without would be a blessing. I miss the freedom but I fear my judgement became so much more critical without. Maybe I'll do it with you? No commitment from me either yet not sure if I'm ready :/ xx
ReplyDeleteYes you are so welcome e to do it with me if you want
DeleteThat would be great to do it with someone else
Do let me know..... X
I'm with Kaylee, giving up the scale had the greatest impact on my recovery. Even if the dr has to weigh me, I stand with my back facing the numbers and they know not to tell me my weight or let me see it. Like they said in Fight Club: Try to find the ability to let that which does not matter truly slide. The number means absolutely nothing.
ReplyDeleteLove that Mich
DeleteAnd so very wise
I think it's a good idea about not asking the professionals not to let you know your weight
I think I could manage that
I think I am going to do one last weigh in tonight
And start my one year scale free tomorrow x
When I moved in September, I decided to leave my scale behind. I was heading into treatment for addiction and figured, why not start completely fresh. Some days it doesn't bother me because if I don't know my weight, then I can pretend like everything is fine. But other days it drives me absolutely insane. And now they weigh me at BANA. At first I said I didn't want to know, but then I started restricting like crazy, because I was anxious that my weight would go up for next time. So finally I decided to have them tell me. It helped a bit because I already have such a hard time knowing what I look like without not having a weight to use for reference. But at the same time, the number is higher than it's been in years. After going on methadone and getting sober it was like the weight just wouldn't stop.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, my point is that I feel like there's pros and cons to both knowing your weight and not knowing your weight. I still feel that getting rid of the scale was the bravest, best thing I've done though. Because there's a difference between knowing your weight, and obsessing over the scale 100 times per day. I think not having it is helping me cut out that unhealthy behaviour.
Best wishes for your scale free year though! It won't be easy, but I'm sure it'll be worth it.
Much love, xx.
When I moved in September, I decided to leave my scale behind. I was heading into treatment for addiction and figured, why not start completely fresh. Some days it doesn't bother me because if I don't know my weight, then I can pretend like everything is fine. But other days it drives me absolutely insane. And now they weigh me at BANA. At first I said I didn't want to know, but then I started restricting like crazy, because I was anxious that my weight would go up for next time. So finally I decided to have them tell me. It helped a bit because I already have such a hard time knowing what I look like without not having a weight to use for reference. But at the same time, the number is higher than it's been in years. After going on methadone and getting sober it was like the weight just wouldn't stop.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, my point is that I feel like there's pros and cons to both knowing your weight and not knowing your weight. I still feel that getting rid of the scale was the bravest, best thing I've done though. Because there's a difference between knowing your weight, and obsessing over the scale 100 times per day. I think not having it is helping me cut out that unhealthy behaviour.
Best wishes for your scale free year though! It won't be easy, but I'm sure it'll be worth it.
Much love, xx.
Nay-because I am too chicken, but I am hoping to get to the point where I can. I'm not sure if I could ever do a year, but right now even just once a week would be a HUGE improvement. I think it's a great idea though. I think you should go for it.
ReplyDeleteBeen there!
ReplyDeleteI didn't weigh myself at all for a good 18 months, just before/when I first started blogging. It did me a hell of a lot of good, despite not being in recovery or anything. It's just one less thing to stress and obsess about. The urge to weigh myself really lessened after the first couple of months. Eventually the days adding up feels like more of an achievement than not. At the moment though, it feels like I don't have much choice since I can't trust others to monitor it for me.
In recovery or not, I think it's really worth it. 10/10 would recommend.
<3
xx