Friday 20 March 2015

Self harm, selfies and the wanderers return

I want to thank all of you who commented on my last post
For those of you that don't know
I posted some photos of myself in some new clothes that I bought
And I got quite a nasty comment
Anonymous of course
I wouldn't expect anything more
But you all  jumped to my defence 
And told anonymous where to go 
So thank you for that

So the wanderers have returned
As in my mum and my sister are back from Prague
Myself and Honey and Lea we're delighted to see them
The dogs were so excited they had a fit
A good time was had by all
And it was great that I could tell them that my few days went well too
No hiccups 
No disasters
No lying 
I kept my head up
And my bun down
And stayed well out of trouble

I watched a documentary a couple of nights ago
Called My self harm nightmare
It told the  story of 3 girls 
Who used to use self harm and pro ana websites
One of the girls used to have a pro ana blog
She has 10, 000 followers 
And she was extremely unwell
And posted many photos of herself in various states of undress
With pointy bones and sharp edges

Another girl really struggled with self harm
She said she did it because it was the only thing in her life that she could control
She had been hospitalised many times after cutting herself
Her arms were covered in long deep scars

I have never really struggled with self harm
Of course I experimented when I was a teenager
And I have tried it
But it did little or nothing for me
So I didn't continue
But I know that some of you struggle greatly with this
I guess we all have different coping mechanisms
Mine was drugs and food
Or lack of food
Some body else's might be gambling or sex or self harm
 There all forms of self abuse

The documentary talked a bit about Pro-ana websites
And the girls on these websites encourage each other to lose weight
Posting photo after photo of emaciated malnourished girls
Making YouTube videos of how miserable they are
I have to admit 
I haven't come across that many Pro-ana sites
I mean the hardcore ones
Apart from anas challenge
Who stalked all our blogs for a while
But myself and Bella came to the conclusion that he was a dirty old man trying to get pictures of young girls
But I guess I haven't really gone looking for these sites
As I am sure they are there

I know that the public are campaigning to get these sites criminalised
The parents on the documentary said that if their daughters hadn't had access to these sites
Then things wouldn't have got so bad
I guess we are still in the infancy of the Internet
And things like pharmaceuticals, synthetics and drugs are easy to buy
And these sites are not monitored 
I'm sure in time there will be stricter laws as to what you can and can't do on the Internet
I see blogger is removing any offensive content now from blogs

I'm almost tempted to go looking for these so called Pro-ana blogs
Just out of curiosity 
I'm presuming that these sites are run by maudlin teenagers 
I hope that anyone older than that would know better
Maybe I'm wrong
I don't know 

I guess there are a lot of sick and twisted people in the  world
To think that someone would encourage you to starve or purge or self harm
Is a scary thought
I deliberately don't comment on people's weight here on blogger
I don't condone or congratulate weight loss
It's not something that is healthy to endorse
Unless the person needs to lose weight
And is doing it in a healthy and careful way

My point of view on what constitutes  beautiful has changed in the last year
I used to crave extreme thinness
Protruding collar bones
Pointy hip bones
This was perfection to me
But now my perception has changed
I no longer crave that look
Now I want to be fit and strong
Healthy even 
What a revelation!

I was wondering about you
Have you ever used Pro-and sites?
What is your view on them?
Do you think they should be banned?
I'd love to know...

8 comments:

  1. I definitely want to watch this documentary. I've never used self harm or pro sites. But I guess just having an eating disorder is self harm. Unfortunately, I don't know how much banning these sites would help. People will still find a way. I think awareness about disorders and resources just have to be more available and the disorders need to be talked about more. You are doing good work!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I guess that these sites don't cause people to have an ED
      Or start to self harm
      But they certainly don't help
      Thankfully my internet experience has been a positive one
      Apart from a few nasty comments x

      Thanks for your comment x

      Delete
  2. I dont know ruby, have been struggling for 34 years,34years! what a waste.no internet back then would it have changed anything? not for me, but it can't be a good thing can it.
    never been really bulimic tried but no good. more restrictive also diuretics laxitives drugs
    etc.i was horse mad as a teenager and the girl in the olympic team at our stable weighed 5 and half stone,i was rubbish and heavier,that was enough.only later started self harm after stuff at home.what would i be be without it, what would monday be without starting a diet? no its too late for me but not for you.please please be ok you have time xx jo

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  3. It is a long time Jo
    A life time
    But I firmly believe that it is never too late
    Never
    It's never too late to start over
    And turn things around
    I know the longer we suffer
    The more entrenched out behaviours are
    But don't give up hope Jo
    I will believe in you until you can believe in yourself
    You are an angel x

    ReplyDelete
  4. bless you for that you are very kind x

    ReplyDelete
  5. I've heard a bit about this doco around, seems to be getting mixed reviews. I'll definitely have to have a look at it if I can find it.

    I've read some different proana websites, though never contributed. A lot of it was after I first became sick. Obviously I did a lot of reading online. To educate, to learn more about what AN actually was, to feel not-so-alone, and yes, to trigger. I think I've seen a fair range, from the more extreme proana sites to recovery focused sites to educational sites and everything in between.

    On a similar note, I also used to look at those self-harm trigger sites sometimes. I'd pretty much forgotten about those. That was back when I was like, 13-16, maybe? Yeah. They pretty much have a 'tips and tricks' thing of their own. Not much redeeming I can say for them either.

    As for banning them, I do agree something needs to be done. I know over here it's illegal to encourage/tell someone to/how to kill themselves, but it can get tricky once the internet's involved. It's 2015, it shouldn't be so bloody tricky.

    I think responding to people's weight loss on here is a tricky matter, to say the least. It 100% depends on their own individual case. As a rule of thumb, I do sometimes congratulate people on their weight loss (or gain, or maintenance - whatever they're shooting for). But I never encourage them to lose weight (because most of them really don't need to), let alone starve or purge their way there. Encouraging people to actively harm themselves is just silly.

    Love you Ruby <3
    xx

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  6. It's not a blog, it's more of a forum.. (and I'm not going to say what site it is) but I've wasted a LOT of time over the past several months on a pro-ana website. One could argue it contributed significantly to my relapse. I read it on my computer, my tablet, my phone. I read it at school, at home, at work. It has anorexics and bulimics.. and everything I guess. I'm guessing it takes up at least an hour a day. It's a lot of teenagers, but there's some people that are older.

    Even before I got hooked on this site, I didn't think these places should be banned.. that seems kinda silly. I don't think they can cause a disorder for one thing. The other issue is that, I feel like there are places for people in recovery to go and talk and get support, so there ought to be places for those that aren't ready for recovery to go. Eating disorders are insanely lonely, and I feel like people that still want to stay sick (and I guess I'm one of them) need a place to go too.

    The focus of legislation and all that should be on education and in a lot of countries on creating affordable treatment options for the people that are sick. That would help a lot more than fixing the internet.. plus these sites will just come back. That's what I've seen (because I'm guilty of looking for them)

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