Saturday 30 June 2012

Confessions

I told Mother about the shoplifting
We were doing the cliff walk and I hadn't planned to tell her then (thinking about it, it was a dangerous place to tell her lol)
But I suddenly found a bit of courage from somewhere and decided to confess
'Mam, I've something else to tell you'
'Oh God what?'
'Mary thinks it's a good idea to tell you so I'm just going to say it'
At this point I decided to see if she knew already
'Have you any idea what I'm going to say?'
'Is it something you used to do when you were on drugs?'
'Yes'
I knew then she knew but I just couldn't find the words, shame washed over me
'You say it'
'No you say it'
She finally said 'Is it shoplifting?'
'Yes'
'Oh Ruby'
'I haven't done it in nearly 2 weeks and I really want to stop'
'What are you taking?'
'Food'

The conversation didn't last too long and I tried to convey that I was determined to stop but she knows by now that words are cheap
She pointed out that I could ruin my and destroy my reputation in our community
I know this
I haven't shoplifted in almost 2 weeks now and the truth is I used to be a lot worse
When I first moved here I was fresh out of heroin addiction
I stole everyday
My favourite haunt was the chemist where I collected my methadone
It was like a pick n mix
I stole everything from makeup to jewellry to anything and everything
I still have 2 boxes full of makeup and 2 bags of jewellry in my bedroom
Most of which has never been used
I started to feel guilty because the chemist was so nice to me, he always took the time to ask me how I was doing and was very encouraging
Over the next 5 years I would tell him about the highs and lows of recovery
Then one day a staff member told me the chemist wasn't coming back
I was crushed
I wanted to thank him so I wrote him a card and left it in the chemist for them to post
Then I found out he had been fired, the way I heard it he had been 'too friendly' to a female customer
To be honest I don't believe this, it's only hearsay anyway
But he was fired for something, I don't know what
The chemist that replaced him wasn't half as nice
I think it's the chemists loss because he was a great chemist, caring but not patronising
I started shoplifting there again
Over time I have gradually realised how stupid it is to steal from there
They are one of only 2 chemists in the town and I don't fancy having to go to the other one
Overall they are lovely to me in my chemist and I always have a chat with the girls
I often wonder if they ever knew
They could well have
So I've stopped taking from there, it's plain stupid
I remember once feeling so guilty for taking something that I was very close to going back and confessing but someone talked me out of it

So hopefully this is the end of my shoplifting career
Time to get honest
Quit while I'm ahead

I got a new camera yesterday (from said chemist and yes I paid for it) so I'll be able to add more photos from now on

Have a happy Saturday x

12 comments:

  1. Well done on reaching out to your mom. Maybe now that she knows, it will be easier to be accountable. :) Xo

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  2. Well done for telling the truth, maybe she'll be able to keep you in check too, you'll be more accountable.

    I totally understand though. With shoplifting it's more a high... been in the whole stealing food thing too. I already felt disgusting for eating, so I dunno, I made it worse?

    xxx

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    1. Thanks Peridot, I feel better having told the truth, you're right it is about the high.

      Thanks for your support,

      Much love x

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  3. Oh Ruby I am so proud of you for telling your mum and fessing up :) You did the right thing, and maybe this will help.

    Lots of love xx

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    1. Thank you Rayya, I feel I did the right thing, all you girls gave me the confidence to be honest and I'm so grateful.

      Lots of love to you too x

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  4. Congrats Ruby. I had no idea it had been two weeks! I know you are very excited. I am glad you told your mom even though she doesn't believe you may completely stop. One day you will. It's hard. It's so hard, smh.

    I am so glad you have a caring and understanding mother. She loves you so much but you already know this.

    I find it hard to believe about your chemist too. He sounds too nice. Besides I am sure he would have put the moves on you if that was the case since you two got along so well. I am just hoping he wasn't let go because of the missing items. Not to blame you because we really don't know.

    I knew this older man who worked at a car rental place. He was really nice. Would take off 5-10 dollars off my mother in law total purchase. We went back last month after probably a year. He was fired because the manager underneath him was giving out too many deals and the company lost a lot of money. So they fired him and her. He told us he was old and tired and ready to retire. I believe he knew what that young was doing but didn't care to stop her.

    I am off to work and you have a good day ruby :-)

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  5. Thanks Winter, have a good day at work x

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  6. Wow, what?! How can you fire someone for being too friendly... I mean if in normal sense and not like...

    Two weeks Ruby, that's good! I love that how your mom handles things, it shows really experience with this stuff. You're so lucky to have her.
    Love ya <3

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  7. Thanks Tatyana, I am lucky to have her x

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  8. Good on you for two weeks thievery-free! Just remember the image of having randoms know your face from the shoplifting/banned lists :/ We actually sit there and try to work out what drugs the people are addicted to by how wrecked their faces are. Some you can tell were high at the time of their mugshot because of the glassy-eyes and the sneer. (They're also about a billion times less flattering than drivers silence or passport photos)

    Also: You have massive balls for telling your Mum.

    Sad face at the chemist being fired. Why is it always the nice ones who get screwed over?

    Take care of yourself and stay warm wherever you are <3

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  9. Thanks Peri. That's hilarious but terrifying also, my town is small so I'd probably never work here again if word got out.
    Hopefully this is the end of my shoplifting career,
    Quit while I'm ahead and all that.

    I'm in Ireland so I'm never warm lol,

    Take care of you too x

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Thank you for leaving some love x