Friday 11 May 2012

Just back from seeing Mary. It went ok, she didn't weigh me. She said I really need to address the purging  but I just don't know how. I have a path worn from my kitchen to my bathroom. After I've eaten I feel uncomfortably full to the point that it's painful and the anxiety is unbearable. All I can think is 'I have to get this food out, I can't stand this'. I have an irrational fear that the food won't move beyond my stomach and that it all just piles up in there. She asked me if I thought I had made progress. Truthfully I don't really think I have but I didn't want to say that so I said I thought I had made a little bit. I won't give up hope just yet though and I'll keep going to see her.

I'm heading to dancing soon. We're getting our photo taken tonight for the local newspaper so we're getting a bit dressed up. I'm wearing a black and grey dress from french connection, black tights and black heels. Our performance is next Saturday so the nerves are starting to kick in. I'll really miss it when it's all over though. Am thinking of starting zumba as I hear it's really good.

I'm so tired today. That probably has something to do with the fact that I was up 3 times in the night for a midnight feast. It's becoming a bit of a habit so I need to put a stop to it.

Hope you all are having a good day,

Lots of lovexxx

2 comments:

  1. I am having a super day. Sounds like you have a lot going on. Glad you are going to keep trying. If you don't mind me asking when you eat and feel uncomfortable is this eating a meal or just after a binge. If after a meal I was going to suggest lowering the portion sizes. Easier said than done right. I just to help. You are trying so hard.

    That outfit sounds lovely. Don't be nervous, you are going to great. You will be doing what you love and sharing it with the world. I have always wanted to take dance. Anyway just take it one step at a time with the nightly binges. Try having only one a night before cutting back on the number of days it happens a week. Sorry is the only way I can deal with anything is a step by step process.

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  2. Its hard right? I'm the same when my doc asks me.. its so easy to make them believe its fine. Maybe she can help though? I am glad, so glad that you havent given up hoping she can help.. I hope she can. the heaviness and bloated feeling is the worst.. Its a cycle I guess - stop the binge and then the purge will follow?? Easier said than done huh..

    lots of love x

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